


You Ain't Ever Gonna Burn My Heart Out

by sydvein



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, HIMYM - Freeform, established jeonghyo, squint for samo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23909968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydvein/pseuds/sydvein
Summary: Mina follows Nayeon's advice, and Nayeon's not too happy she did.Loosely based on that one HIMYM prompt.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Myoui Mina
Comments: 38
Kudos: 263





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Felt like writing again after nth years.
> 
> Unbetad. Still hope you enjoy it.

Im Nayeon is never one to worry about relationships. It’s not like she’s had one before. Unless, of course, you count those numerous one-night stands she's had with random strangers. 

Being with “The Im Nayeon” means you get to _date_ her for 4 hours, and never see her again.

The closest thing she’s ever had to a real relationship is when she dated Yoo Jeongyeon in 6th grade. They were too curious with what 'dating' would feel like. 

They broke up a week after when Jeongyeon got jealous after she learned Nayeon bought Jihyo ice cream. Apparently, she’s "supposed to do it _only for her_ _girlfriend"._

12 year old Nayeon didn’t understand what dating and having a girlfriend meant. She got very confused and thought that dating meant being _restricted_ to expressing one’s love only to their supposed “girlfriend”. And Im Nayeon has too much love to give.

Since then, she has never done _girlfriends_ or even dating in general.

\--

That is until she met Mina.

\--

She meets her one morning after her usual rendezvous with a random stranger she met the night before. 

Contrary to what people perceived Nayeon to be, she’s actually a total klutz. She’s done this countless times before, sneaking out of a stranger’s apartment. That doesn’t mean she had developed thief-like skills to do it successfully every time. 

After breaking one of those randomly placed vases, trying to find the other pair of her shoes, she hears the bedroom door open. She turns around, expecting to see the girl she slept with just mere minutes ago. Instead she's welcomed by a sight of cute penguin pyjamas, and a very irritated, sleep deprived stranger. Nayeon figures 'this must be the roommate'. 

Always full of herself, Nayeon tries to charm her with her signature bunny smile and apologize.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. I'm Na-"

"I'm taking my finals in a few hours." The stranger exhaustedly states, struggling to keep her eyes fully open. 

Nayeon is not dumb. She knows the disturbance she has caused the other girl, and she knows she needs to leave, fast.

The stranger walks to where Nayeon is, picking up the missing shoe along the way, and guides Nayeon towards the door, holding her firmly in the arms. “You don’t have to make a fuss about this, Joy also doesn’t do relationships.” 

The stranger opens the door for her. The girl's actions felt strangely rehearsed. 'She must've done this a couple times before', Nayeon thought.

Nayeon steps out, but turns around the last minute to look at the stranger fully. 

“Be careful on your way home.” The stranger politely smiled. Her face was the last thing Nayeon saw before the door closed in front of her face.

\--

Im Nayeon dream of her that night. No, not the girl she hooked up with, whose name is Joy if she remembered correctly, but the stranger whose face is littered with constellations. The stranger with the soft voice, and an equally soft smile.

She didn't even get to thank her. Then she realised, she also didn't even get her name.

\--

So here she is, knocking on the familiar door from the day before. She doesn't know what she's exactly doing here, but she knows she won't be able to sleep for the following days if she doesn't see the stranger again. 

She heard someone open the door, and immediately her heart thundered inside her chest. 'This is stupid'. 

Joy's face came into view, equally shocked as she is. Great! This is _exactly_ what she's expecting. It won't be awkward at all.

"I thought our _arrangement_ was pretty clear". There was playfulness in Joy's voice. She's clearly mocking her. And Im Nayeon is not one to get mocked.

This is exactly why Nayeon has a rule of not seeing other people more than once. It gets complicated. She wants things to be simple - flirt, bed, and never see again.

"Uhh, I'm not here to see you." Nayeon doesn't even look at the girl in front of her, wanting to prove how little to no effect Joy has on her. Instead she looks inside the apartment trying to find a certain someone, the reason she's back here in the first place.

"Then why are y- oh!" Joy's surprised voice caught Nayeon's attention. She expected another teasing retort from the other girl, instead, Joy just opens the door wider and leaves her standing there. 

Joy sits down on the couch, looks at Nayeon who was left standing at the door, and pats the empty space beside her. "You can wait here for a while. She comes back around this time." 

Nayeon tentatively comes in and sits down. There's an ongoing movie playing on the TV, an awful cheesy rom-com she guesses based on the face of Noah freaking Centineo looking directly at her from the screen. 

Joy offers her some popcorn, which she politely declines. And a few minutes later, she hears the girl not so subtly snigger besides her. 

"Good luck with Mina."

\--

A couple minutes have passed and Nayeon is getting tense. This is all very new to her, waiting for a girl, a girl she only saw for a couple of seconds, but decided to never leave her mind. 

She's thinking of leaving. Well, at least now she got a name. Mina. 'It suits her' Nayeon thinks. Maybe the name alone would suffice her curiosity about the girl. Besides, what was she even expecting when she came here? That, she still doesn't know. 

But maybe, some of her questions can now be answered. 

They hear the clinking of keys, followed by the doorknob twisting, and in comes the girl Nayeon was waiting for this whole time.

Mina comes in with a bright smile as she greets her roommate. 'Is that a silver tooth that I see?' Nayeon asks herself as she openly stares at Mina. 

Everything about the girl screams... 'ambrosial'. 

Nayeon mentally slaps herself, 'Really Nayeon? Who the f*ck even uses that word?' 

She snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Joy clear her throat. "I'll leave you two alone." Joy heads straight to her room, throwing Nayeon a wink before she enters.

"May I help you?" Mina asks her. She sounds confused, and at this point Nayeon can't really blame her. She didn't even notice the other girl coming closer, and now she's standing right beside her. Nayeon nervously stands up all of a sudden. 

She was caught off guard. Seeing the girl up close was even more captivating than she had imagined. And don't even get her started with how Mina smells like, heavenly.

"H-hi!" Nayeon manages to blurt out. 'Did she just f*cking stutter?' Im Nayeon doesn't stutter. This is the only thing she's good at, flirting, and yet here she is now - a faltering mess.

"I came here to apologize for the inconvenience I caused you the night before. I hope you still did well on your exams, even with the lack of sleep." Nayeon was so proud of herself when she managed to reply complete, coherent sentences to the girl.

Mina smiles with her signature gummy smile of hers and answers "You already apologized that night, and I did ace my exams so you don't have to worry about it."

Nayeon stretches her hand out, "I'm Im Nayeon." She waits for Mina to reach out too. She got nervous when she saw the other girl hesitating. She doesn't want to get cut off again just like what happened that night. Thankfully, the girl in front of her is in a better mood than before, and finally takes her hand. "Nice to meet you Im Nayeon, I'm Mina, Myoi Mina."

Nayeon lets out an audible sigh, which makes Mina chortle. "So tell me Im Nayeon, why are you really here?"

"I'm here to see you." Nayeon doesn't even notice she's still holding Mina's hand until the other girl retracts her hand away. 

She sees Mina's eyebrows rise, urging her to continue. But nothing is coming up on her brain. She came here with only one goal - to see Mina, and now that she did, there's simply nothing for her to say or do.

Mina walks away, and heads over to the fridge to get some water. Nayeon follows the girl with her eyes. And when Mina comes back, the girl decides to sit comfortably on her couch. She looks straight at Nayeon. "Maybe I can figure this out Miss Im Nayeon."

Nayeon also sits down to level herself with Mina. She waits patiently for what the other girl would say.

"You came here to see me." To which Nayeon nods.

"Because you saw me the other night, and I made you.. curious." Nayeon nods again, albeit a little shy this time.

Mina rubs her chin, a gesture she does when she's deep in thought. "And to satisfy your curiosity.. you want to.. how to put this delicately.. _bang me_."

Nayeon looks at her, aghast. 

"You know, to get me out your head, _cleanse your palate_." Mina continues. Unfazed with what she just said. She takes another sip of her water and adds "Am I wrong Miss Im Nayeon?"

Mina's water looks extremely enticing right now with how dry Nayeon's throat felt. She strongly shakes her head, wanting to immediately deny Mina's theory.

"I don't want to.. bang you." Nayeon looks away from Mina and whispers the last part, acting all scandalized, when in fact she has had sex with numerous women she can't even count them.

Nayeon continues mumbling, "well.. of course I do want to have sex with you.. eventually." She stops herself when she realizes she's saying her thoughts out loud instead of just keeping them to herself. She looks back to Mina who just laughs at her. 

Gathering her courage, she starts again. "Would it be weird if I say, I just want to know you?" 

Mina just stares at her. "Is this your new pick up line?"

"No." Nayeon flatly states.

"And if I said no?" Mina challenges.

Nayeon doesn't reply immediately. She didn't have a plan for that yet. Well, she doesn't really have any plan for when Mina rejects her. She's never been on this receiving end before. This is all very new to her, Mina's existence is all very new to her, and she's not really prepared for this.

"I'll just go here everyday to see you, not talk to you because apparently you don't want that, but I'll just look at you until I get tired of it." Nayeon honestly replies.

"And if you don't get tired of it?"

"Then I guess that's gonna be your problem, not mine." Nayeon laughs thinking she's got nothing to lose at this point anyway.

Mina places her bottle on the coffee table in front of them, and crosses her arms. She just looks at Nayeon, probably contemplating.

"Saturday. 7pm. Don't be late."

\--

Getting to know Mina meant breaking all of Nayeon's rules.

_Never see a girl more than once_. 

She sees Joy countless times now when she comes over to pick Mina. Good thing it didn't get awkward between them since Joy shares the same "ideals" as Nayeon, that is until Mina came along.

_Wait three days before texting a girl._

Nayeon texted Mina as soon as she got her number. She sent the message "You're prettier in person" because she can't say it directly to her face. Such a wuss. Mina still teases her from time to time when she remembers this.

_Never take a girl on a date_. 

Nayeon was two hours early on their first date. Until now, Nayeon never gets late when she's meeting Mina.

_Lastly the most important rule. Do not, for the love of all things good and bad, fall in love._

Nayeon tells Mina she loves her three weeks in their relationship. It was an unexpected, anticlimactic confession that came out of Nayeon after Mina had kissed her for the first time - typical Nayeon and her word vomits. It took them both by surprise, who knew Nayeon is even capable of love? It was however the most horrifying moment Nayeon has ever experienced in her life. She didn't understand how anyone can stand being that vulnerable in front of someone, giving them the power to make or break your heart. But hearing those same words back from Mina makes all the mess in her head untangle themselves. She realizes, being loved back is probably one of the best feelings in the world.

It took a while for Nayeon to realize that rules doesn't really apply when it comes to "The Myoi Mina."

\--

25 year old Nayeon fell in love for the first time. The fear of commitment and exclusivity were all thrown out the window when she met Mina. She now understands what it feels like to have your own person. Someone you're willing to give a part of yourself to, and put your trust that they won't break it. Why was she even afraid of dating when she gets to date Mina? Mina who's always so pure, and loving. Mina who always manages to look soft and hot all at the same time. Nayeon felt like she had won the lottery. If she had known how Mina would make her feel complete, she would've searched for her sooner. 

Nayeon fell in love for the first time and it felt great. Being in love made her feel those butterflies in her tummy that she didn't know existed, the constant hammer in her chest every time she waits for Mina after a long day, and the calmness in her heart that she feels every time Mina greets her in the wee hours of the morning.

Nayeon is in love and feels the happiest she can ever be. Why are people even afraid of falling? She wonders. What could possibly go wrong?

Ah, yes. 25 year old Nayeon also didn't know that falling in love comes together with the risk of getting your heart broken.

\--

It was a random question she remembered Momo asking when they went to hang out at Jeongyeon, Momo and Jihyo's shared apartment a few months ago. 

It was a hypothetical question, one she didn't have to remember. It was silly, really. She won't need answers to this. 

"How long does it take to get over a relationship?"

Jeongyeon confidently says "half the length of the relationship." 

"1 week for every month you were together." Jihyo shouts from the kitchen where she's cooking dinner.

Nayeon looks at her girlfriend for a response. Mina who's comfortably huddled beside her takes a swig of her drink and says "10,000 bottles of beer.. however long that takes." There's smugness in her voice. 

Nayeon just stares at her and finds herself falling even deeper. 'She's sooo cool. And she's dating me.' Nayeon could've cried that second, but she noticed all her friends staring at her. Even Jihyo who's busy looking after their meal takes a second to peak at them. 

"You can’t measure something like this in time." She starts. 

Being the certified 'playgirl' in their group means that her friends get to see Nayeon experience everything for the first time. They still can't even wrap their heads around Nayeon dating Mina. Mina who's way out of her league (even Nayeon, who thinks of herself as the superior human being, admits this!)

.."There’s a series of steps..

..from her bed to the door. Bam! Outta there! Next!"

They all laugh loudly, even Mina. They all know Nayeon was kidding. 

She just didn't expect that Mina would choose to follow her advice out of anyone else's.


	2. Chapter 2

"Can you please just walk us through it?" Nayeon was broken out of her daze by Jihyo's voice. 

"Huh?" She looks at Jihyo, confused.

Momo scoots closer to her and calmly asks her. "You guys.. broke up?" 

Nayeon nods painfully. Still convincing herself that it was all just a dream, it's not real. 

It was merely two weeks ago when Mina and her last talked, and just less than 24hours since Mina had left for Japan, without her. 

They planned that trip together a few months ago. It should've been a trip to celebrate Mina's birthday with her family, for a change. Nayeon was supposed to board that plane together with Mina, yet here she is sitting on her best friend's couch, devastated.

It started with a silly argument. One which they kept on having lately. Next thing she knew, Mina was already closing the door of her apartment, leaving her with _"I can't do this anymore."_

Jeongyeon emerges out of the kitchen with four bottles of beer in hand. She distributes it to them, leaving the last one for Nayeon. "It took two years for Mina to finally realize she's better off without you huh?" Jeongyeon laughs, while Momo slaps her arms, warning her to stop. 

"What?" Jeongyeon mouths at Momo. She's clearly just trying to lighten the mood. 

Jihyo clicks her tongue and gives her a disappointed look. "Too early Jeong."

Jihyo looks back at Nayeon and asks her again "And why did you guys break up?"

It took a few seconds before Nayeon could even reply "She wanted us to move in together." 

The room got quieter, the three other girls patiently waiting for Nayeon to continue, but she didn't. 

"Well that's pretty understandable considering you're in your second year of dating." Jeongyeon breaks the silence.

"So you said no?" Momo asks and Nayeon just nods. 

Momo reassures her "Well if you're not ready, you really can't force it, no matter how long your relationship is."

"You did tell her that right? That you're simply not ready and there’s no other reason." Jihyo questions her, and Nayeon immediately looks away. 

Jihyo just scoffs. Having known Nayeon the longest, deep down, Jihyo had already expected this. Not the part where Nayeon will totally blow up her relationship with Mina, but the part where when the situation gets complicated or difficult, she will instinctively clam up. Her best friend has always kept most of her feelings to herself most of the time, even from them, her best friends whom she has known for almost half of her life.

"We keep on having this conversation, and everytime it comes up I simply say no. When she asks me why, I just make up lame excuses, or try to change the topic."

"No wonder she's pissed, but you did talk about it after right? Tried to make up for it." Nayeon looks down again.

Jihyo looks at her incredulously.

"We don't really argue much so I didn't know I'm supposed to do that. Everytime we argue, I just leave her be for a few days until she calms down. I just wait for her to miss me too much and reach out first."

Jeongyeon slaps her head, having a complete mental breakdown over her dumb best friend.

"So you didn't talk about it?"

Nayeon simply shakes her head. 

Momo who's trying to understand where Nayeon is coming from asks. "So what do you do when you get upset?"

Nayeon was about to speak up when Jihyo cut her off, "Let me guess. You also walk away and wait until you both feel better?" Nayeon continues to keep her mouth shut. 

Momo also gives up with a sigh. "So you _never_ really talk about _anything_."

At that moment, Nayeon just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. "It works every time!" She frustratedly reasons.

Jeongyeon stands up and heads to the kitchen to pick up some more beer. After getting their refills she comes back and bravely says what her other friends are also probably thinking.

"Not this time Nayeon."

\--

Nayeon comes back to her empty apartment that night. It still looks and feels the same. She kept it the exact same way from before she even met Mina. Although, there were now a few trinkets her ex-girlfriend ' _ouch'_ had left that somehow brings a little more colour to her dull place. 

She lies on her cold bed holding what seems to be Mina's hair scrunchy. She holds it close to her, close enough to smell a hint of Mina's favorite perfume. 

Nayeon didn't cry when Mina left. She's still not crying now even when she misses her badly. But ever since that night when Mina left, she's been feeling pain all over her body, especially that part around her chest. It's like a thousand needles pricking that stupid thing pumping inside her. And she feels like choking every time. 

Nayeon didn't know loving someone can also physically hurt this much. 

_'Half the length of the relationship_.' She remembered Jeongyeon saying. Would that mean she gets to feel this way all the time for a whole year? 

Well.. f*ck.

\--

She woke up the next morning with an extreme headache, very close to what a hangover feels like, even though she didn't drink too much. She noticed she's still clutching that stupid scrunchie, a reminder that it's owner has left her and it will probably be the only item she has that will make her feel close to Mina. 

And just like that the pain is back again, not that it even left her. 

She remembers Jihyo talking to her privately last night, away from their other friends. "You really need to learn how to open up a bit you know? Even with us, you should feel comfortable talking to us. You know we won't judge." There comes a soft smile from Jihyo. A smile she's always known from when they were younger. 'Everything's gonna be fine'

Nayeon figures there's no point drowning herself with her misery so she decided to call her best friend. When Jihyo answers she just asks "Wanna have brunch?"

There's ruffling on the other end, it's probably Jeong who's still sleeping beside Jihyo. After a few minutes of what seems to be a struggling Jihyo freeing herself from a whining Jeongyeon, she hears a response "Be there in thirty." 

\--

It's less than a day since they last met but here they are again, at a large table at the center of a diner they frequently go to. Nayeon wasn't surprised when she saw Jeongyeon and Momo tugging along with Jihyo. She liked it better this way anyways. 

This is why she loves her best friends a lot. They just know how to 'be there' for her. They're never one to pry, always patient enough to wait until Nayeon comfortably comes to them. 

Then she sees the way Jeong looks at Jihyo, the same look they always shared years before when they started dating. (The three of them never talk about the brief period when Nayeon and Jeong dated. It makes all of them nauseous. Even thinking about it now gives Nayeon chills.)

She sees the way Jihyo holds Jeong's hands. And there's that numbness she feels again in her body. 

Nayeon can't blame her best friends for making her think about Mina. Jihyo and Jeong had actually been very considerate about her feelings, trying to keep their affections low-key. 

With great timing, she was suddenly distracted from staring at the couple in front of her when she heard a shrieking Momo, who manages to drop some of her food on her lap - as expected. Then straight away comes Jeongyeon who immediately wipes away the mess, with Jihyo assisting her by handing the napkins and asking for the server to assist them with the clean up. It's strange how normal this feels for all of them. Momo, who's surprisingly the same age as Jeong, has always been the group's official baby. Even herself thinks of Momo the same way. 

"You really need to find a girlfriend who'll take care of you Mo." She says in jest, as Jeongyeon continues to tidy her up.

"Sorry Nayeon unnie.. you're not my type." Momo nonchalantly answers back. 

It makes the four of them laugh. 

Nayeon wouldn't trade them for the world.

\--

Jeongyeon and Momo apparently had to leave after finishing their meal, which leaves her with Jihyo. 

' _We won't judge_.' the statement still rings in her ears. 

"I'm scared Hyo." Nayeon finally confesses.

They are now sitting at a table near the window of their regular cafe. Jihyo just quietly sips her coffee, not saying anything, afraid that Nayeon might get spooked if she begins to rush her. 

"What if it doesn't get better? I don't like this feeling Hyo. I don't want to stay.. broken."

Jihyo can hear the hurt in her best friend's voice. She reached out her hand to offer some comfort. "You'll get to talk when she gets back. You can fix this." 

Nayeon now has proof that Jihyo might not always be right all the time. 

\--

Nayeon didn't know how it's possible to hurt even more, but when she saw Mina's post with another woman, it felt like someone just reached inside her chest, and decided to painfully crush her heart. She's having trouble breathing, but she doesn't know how to stop hurting. 

It was just a short video. A stranger greeting the younger girl 'happy birthday', calling Mina darling and wrapping their arms around her. Mina on the other hand responds by leaning her head close to the stranger and responding with a "thank you Honey." 

Nayeon has replayed the video probably a thousand times now. It's the first time she's seen Mina's face after she left. Nayeon doesn't know if she's slowly turning into a masochist, willingly torturing herself with seeing the one she loves in the arms of another, just so she can see a few second glimpse of her face. 

Maybe this is why people say love makes you do stupid things. Because here she is now, being stupid, hoping that with every replay of the video, she’ll see her own face instead, next to Mina. 

It sucks because Nayeon thinks that they still have a chance when in fact Mina has already moved on the minute she left. Nayeon felt pathetic. Between the two of them one would expect Nayeon to be the one immediately parading another woman with her based on their dating history. 

Even after they've broken up, and separated a thousand miles apart, Mina still continues to surprise Nayeon.

\--

"Hey Nayeon..” Momo starts by giving her the signature hurt puppy look. “..I hope you're not mad." 

Nayeon quickly dismisses Momo’s worries away by giving her a genuinely soft smile. How can anyone even get mad at Momo?

Momo told her that Mina will be coming back that weekend, and that they've decided to catch up.

When she and Mina dated, the younger girl really became a part of their group. With Mina being the only Japanese friend that Momo has, of course it would be unfair for everyone if they stopped being friends with Mina just because she and Nayeon have broken up. 

What doesn't sit right with her is the fact that Mina has the audacity to bring over her "new friend". 

At what point did Mina become so cruel?

She nods at Momo, feeling defeated. "I'm not Mo. I hope you two enjoy catching up."

A hand suddenly lands on her back. It was Jeongyeon with a smirk and a playful gaze on her eyes. 

"How about we have a night out ourselves Nay? Just you and me, just like before. What do you say?" You can tell how excited Jeong is, even without a confirmation coming from the older girl. 

Before Nayeon even argues, Jeongyeon tells her "It was Hyo's idea." 

And with Jihyo being the only one who has a working brain cell in their group, the only sane person she can trust to make good decisions between the four of them, Nayeon eventually agrees.

\--

She curses under her breath as she waits impatiently for Jeong to get ready. They've agreed to meet up in the trio's apartment since it's closer to their bar. They were supposed to leave 30 minutes ago, enough time before the 'other guests' arrived. However, the girl in question still hasn't come out of her shared bedroom with Jihyo. Jeongyeon shouts "5 more minutes!" Nayeon figures there’s nothing else she can do but to wait and hope she won't run into a ‘certain someone’ she's clearly still not ready to see. But then again, the universe really doesn't seem to be on her good side lately as she hears a knock coming from the front door. 'sh*t!'

Momo comes out of her room excitedly. She was about to open the front door when she saw Nayeon still waiting on the couch. Momo's eyes traveled back and forth to the door and to Nayeon, apologizing to the person on the other side of the closed door for taking too long. Nayeon curses under her breath again while she looks at Momo. "It's alright." She gives Momo the signal to open the door. 

After a few seconds of hesitation, and a few more encouraging from Nayeon, Momo finally opens the door. However, she makes sure that she blocks the view from Nayeon. 

Mina immediately enters and gives Momo a hug, closing her eyes, savoring the warmth of the friend she missed. When she opens her eyes, her body instantly tenses up as she sees the other occupant of the room, probably the only person she least expected to see, especially when she has another woman with her. 

Nayeon stands there, still. After a month of not seeing each other, Nayeon's afraid her knees will give out when she moves. Luckily Mina breaks out from Momo's embrace, drags the other woman with her as they walk closer to Nayeon. 

Mina introduces the stranger beside her. "This is Sana." 

Sana says hi, raising and waving her hand, taking Mina’s hand with her. This became the only thing Nayeon can focus on. The way her hand feels so cold, has always felt so cold these past few weeks, and the way it itches to reach out and claim the one Sana's holding onto. But she knows she doesn't have the right anymore. So instead she gives her best smile and introduces herself. 

_'One week for every month you were together'_ Nayeon's not too sure if she can handle 24weeks of seeing Mina with someone else.

\--

There was a pause, tension filling up the room. She's definitely gonna kill Jeongyeon later. 

Mina finally clears her throat and stares at Nayeon, "Can we talk? Uhmm just the two of us?"

There's still this ' _Mina effect',_ as Nayeon likes to call it, that Nayeon can't seem to shake off even if the other girl has been causing her too much pain. And just like that, she agrees on Mina's request.

So here they are, standing in the middle of the kitchen, both afraid to start the conversation.

The older one still has a view of the living room, hoping that Jeong will miraculously come out of their room. She sees Momo and Sana sitting awkwardly on the couch. 

Nayeon should really give Mina credit though. Sana does look gorgeous, with her hypnotising light brown eyes, perfectly pointed nose, sharp facial features, and her sickening sweet smile. It just feels weird to see your ex's new girlfriend staring intently at Momo. She can’t really hear what they’re saying, or even understand since they’re probably speaking in Japanese, but it pretty much looks like Sana is flirting? ‘She’s clearly just seeing things.’

Nayeon's thoughts were interrupted when Mina finally decided to speak up, giving her a look that Nayeon can’t explain. "I hope you're okay with this." 

As soon as the words came out of Mina’s mouth, a thousand thoughts filled her mind. She doesn't know what to feel, or how to respond. It hasn't even been a month when they broke up, and here Mina is with another woman and she's expecting Nayeon to be alright with everything.

They just ended a two-year relationship. Did Mina really think Nayeon is already over her just like she is? The older felt insulted, but mostly she just felt hurt. Does she really mean nothing to Mina? She can’t help but to question how unfair the universe is to her because why is she the only one hurting? 

Before Nayeon can even react, Jeongyeon finally comes out of the room and calls for her. 

Nayeon gives Mina one last look, a proper one this time, and all the conflicting feelings she felt a while ago dies down, because Mina's here, and majority of what she's really feeling is longing for the younger girl's presence. Together or not, even if it pains her too much, Nayeon will probably still choose to have Mina around.

"I'm just glad you're back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter would probably be the last.
> 
> Sorry if you felt that I baited you with fluff. :(  
> That's why I didn't put any tag! LOL
> 
> Please tell me what you think. :)


	3. Chapter 3

"I hope you're okay with this? Who does she think she is?" Jeongyeon seethes. She's already at her fifth drink that night, and drunk Jeong hardly has any filter. Nayeon on the other hand, still nurses her second drink. 

_'Exactly 10,000 bottles of beer however long that takes'_ she suddenly remembered, and she almost laughed. This is gonna be a long night. 

"She just wants to prove that she's winning the break-up." Jeongyeon slurs her words a bit. Nayeon gives her a confused look, not understanding what her best friend is saying "of course you wouldn't know this Nay, but basically the first person to get over the break-up wins." Jeong explains. 

Nayeon thinks about it for a moment, doesn't know what to do with this new found information.

Jeongyeon wraps her arms around Nayeon's shoulder and inches closer. "She already has someone else.." With her other hand, Jeongyeon gestures at the sea of people inside the bar. "Maybe you should start looking for someone else too."

Nayeon really can’t deny that the thought hasn't already crossed her mind. It should be easy for her, you know, to get a new girl. She's done this a thousand times before, has perfected the art of seducing any random girl that catches her eyes. 

But every time she sets a target, attempts to make her move, her mind automatically goes to Mina. She always takes a closer look at a pretty stranger and tries to search for those same constellations of moles on her face, the same quiet, soothing voice, or that addicting scent of her ex. 

Living, as Nayeon learned, is a journey of finding and experiencing the best things the world has to offer. And having Mina in her life, loving and being loved by her, is probably one of the best things that has happened to her. Now, Nayeon realizes that she doesn't want just anyone. If the next person she meets doesn’t even come close to Mina, she doesn't really see any point in pursuing it. 

She scratches her head upon her realizations. She figures that she would most likely die alone at this rate. 

Why does Mina have to be so perfect? 

\--

She crashes in the trio’s apartment that night, too tired to go home after dropping Jeongyeon off, who had a little bit more fun than her. She originally planned on sleeping on the couch outside, but Jihyo opposed. So here they are, the three of them sharing a single bed with Jihyo in between. 

“You enjoyed your time tonight?” Jihyo asked her quietly.

“Not as much as Jeong enjoyed it.” 

The two of them laugh quietly, trying their best to suppress the noise coming out of their mouths as the other girl in the topic is already fast asleep, unaware of the things happening around her.

Jihyo adjusts their position as Jeongyeon mildly stirs from her deep slumber. She places her girlfriend’s head on her arms and Jeongyeon automatically clings onto her.

Nayeon observes, and she felt like intruding. She was about to turn her back on the two when Jihyo stopped her. “Hey, are you getting a little shy?” There’s a light teasing in her tone. “It’s not like the three of us haven’t spent most of our college days huddled together in one bed.”

Nayeon chuckles as she remembers, “It’s different now Hyo.”

“Why? Because we're dating?” Jihyo continues to run her hand through Jeong’s short hair, eliciting quiet hums of comfort from the sleeping girl. 

Nayeon nods shyly. Who knew her two best friends would eventually end up together?

“We’re best friends first Nayeon, the three of us, before Jeong and I happened. Please don’t think anything should change.”

It’s always different with the way Jihyo talks, being a lawyer must have something to do with it. The younger girl always speaks with conviction and confidence, like every word coming out of her mouth is the truth. Or maybe, it’s just really different when it comes to Jhyo. 

Momo felt more like a baby sister to her. Someone that the three of them must protect with their whole being. Their pure, innocent Momo, who has nothing but kindness to give. Jeongyeon is Nayeon’s partner in crime. With every good or a bad decision, Jeongyeon and her always got each other’s back. Jihyo has always been her rock, her confidant. When Nayeon’s unsure, and something is bothering her, she turns to Jihyo. She trusts the younger girl more than herself, she can’t explain it.

Jihyo reaches her hand out to Nayeon, and the older girl gladly takes it. “So, are you ready to tell me what really happened?”

Nayeon sighs loudly, and her best friend continues to gently squeeze her hand.

“I don’t know if I’ve told you this before. When Mina and I slept together for the first time, I almost snuck out of her bedroom in the middle of the night.”

They couldn't help but laugh at Nayeon’s silly story. 

"It took a few minutes for me to get me back to bed. She had a hard time convincing her still half asleep girlfriend - me, that we are in fact dating and it's alright for me to stay the night."

Jihyo continues to just look at Nayeon, not showing any signs of interrupting.

“The night she left, she asked me if maybe the reason why I don’t want us to move in together is because I’m still looking for _something else, something more._ ” 

She avoids looking at Jihyo, feeling a little ashamed with what she’s about to say. “I can’t deny it in front of Mina at that time because deep inside I know that some part of it is true.." 

There was a pause. It's the first time Nayeon has said it out loud. She had always been afraid to admit it to herself. The temptation of walking out the door and leaving in the middle of the night was strong, but the hold in Nayeon’s hand was firm.

"..Don’t get me wrong Hyo, the constant assurance of having someone to call mine is one of the nicest feelings that I have ever had, but sometimes my body still misses the thrill, the chase, the adrenaline of having another conquest. I’ve spent most of my life playing around, being free, and moving in together with Mina made me feel like I’ll lose all control.”

She peaks slightly at her best friend, expecting to see judgement all over her face, but she just sees calmness in Jihyo’s eyes so she continues to let it all out.

“What if I’m wired this way Hyo?" The question has always plagued her mind ever since the day she took Mina out on their first date. 

"What if we move in together, and I involuntarily make a mistake? What if Mina sees right through me, and she gets.. disgusted by me?”

This is the first time Jihyo has really seen Nayeon be so insecure and so lost. Her best friend has always been the best in controlling her emotions, has always managed to look like she can handle anything thrown her way. 

Jihyo took her time before responding to Nayeon, carefully choosing her words because she knows that the things that she'll say will either make or break the older girl.

"Mina's one of the smartest persons I know, Nay."

Nayeon looks back at Jihyo, curious to what the younger girl has to say. 

"I think she knows what she signed up for the moment she agreed to be with you. But the real problem here is not you going back to your old self and probably cheating on her, it's about you not trusting her enough to tell her all these things."

"I'm afraid she'll realize that she deserves someone better."

"Hey.." Jihyo squeezes her hand again, telling Nayeon to look at her. "..I love you unnie. Obviously not the same way as Mina does, she definitely loves you more than we’ll ever know, but look I'm still here, and I don't think any less of you." 

Nayeon has always convinced herself that she’s not good enough, that she’s a bad person because even after having Mina in her life, she still kept on having these thoughts. She did her best to suppress it, keep it hidden from the person she loves, afraid that it will break them. She didn’t know that her not being honest with what she really feels would eventually lead to a worse ending.

She looks back at Jihyo, thankful to have the younger girl beside her, convincing her that even imperfection is worthy of being loved.

Before the both of them get any more emotional, "So have you gotten your fair share of adrenaline rush?" Jihyo started to tease her, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Unfortunately, no.” Nayeon groans, “I'm always unconsciously trying to look for her in every girl that I see. I realized now that _how to love Mina the right way_ will probably still be the best thrill that I'll ever experience."

Jihyo stops her right there, "Okay Nabongs, I don't wanna hear the details."

They both chortle lightly, but it only lasted for a few seconds before Nayeon's mind went back again to Mina. 

"It’s not like it still matters, Hyo, she did find someone better." Nayeon's mind takes her back to that night, "I just don't want the last thing that she thought about when she left is that I'm not content with her."

Nayeon's heart is full of regrets, that's probably what's been keeping her awake all these nights. 

Good thing she's here in the comforts of her family's home. Jihyo pulls her closer, adding Nayeon to her koala collection as the older girl also clings onto her. "Hey, I'm proud of you, for telling me this." 

Nayeon looks up at Jihyo who's patting her head fondly. "Baby steps unnie."

They were about to fall asleep when they heard a knock on the door, then a sleepy Momo entered. The Japanese took a few seconds to look at her friends before joining them in the bed, squeezing herself in the minimal space left beside Nayeon. Momo throws both her feet and arms around Nayeon. She tries her best for her arms to reach Jeongyeon, and envelope the three girls with her embrace.

"Jihyo, you can't keep all the cuddles to yourself." 

\--

A few days have passed and everything seems to have gone back to normal, if by normal you mean having schedules when Nayeon or Mina get to hang out with their other friends. They've figured it's the best thing they can do for now. Nayeon's okay with it, and that's all they could ever ask from her. 

There are times however when mishaps happen, like this day. 

It was Nayeon's turn to visit, so imagine her surprise when she saw her ex and Sana lounging on the couch of their friend's apartment. The minute Nayeon stepped in and saw Mina, she immediately retracted her steps and turned around to close the door. "I'll just come back next time" she shouted. She doesn't want to be rude and leave without letting them know.

She was about to exit the apartment complex when someone suddenly yanked her arm, stopping her from going further. It was Mina, huffing from probably running down the stairs to catch her. 

Nayeon doesn't say a word, just waits patiently for the other girl to say something. It's not like she's avoiding her, well she is, but it's not because she doesn't want to see Mina. She does, her mind always drifts off to Mina when she's not distracted, which is almost always. It just hurts when she thinks of Mina. She just doesn't want to _feel_ all the time. 

"I'm sorry. I thought we're alright." Mina finally says after catching her breath. She gives Nayeon that look again, a look that's telling Nayeon that maybe Mina still.. she stops herself. Delusions won’t help her. 

"We're alright Mina. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

\--

She doesn't know what time it is now, or how many drinks she had already consumed. She arrived at the bar almost an hour ago with one goal in mind- get drunk and make herself forget. Even for a moment, she wants to drown her misery with alcohol, she's heard it helps you move on anyways. 

Nayeon chugs another pint of beer, and gestures for the bartender to give her a refill. She knows the guy, Carl was it? She didn't care anymore. The bartender comes closer to her and suggests that she'd had enough. With her drinking all alone, any sane person knows it's a bad idea if this continues on.

Nayeon didn't leave without a fight, arguing that she can handle her alcohol without any help from anyone. But with the state that she's in, deep down she knows she won't win. 

\--

So there she goes in the middle of the night. After getting kicked out of the bar, she finds herself knocking on some stranger's door. The place is familiar, she knows this door from somewhere, she just can't place where it is, due to her current inebriated state. 

She looks down, and notices the entry mat that she’s been standing on. She looks at it carefully and sees a huge penguin figure at the center decorating the mat, and it all clicked inside her head. Right, she’s at Mina’s apartment. She remembered everything now. She came here to rage, to give a piece of her mind, hoping it would help her get over the younger girl.

She knocks again, a bit more forceful this time. Nayeon was prepared. She already has a speech that she has been practicing on her way here. When the front door opened, her mouth was ready to spew out all those rehearsed lines. But when she looks up, the first thing that she sees is those cute penguin pyjamas and its very sleep-deprived owner. She looks at the confused, sleepy Mina and her mind automatically goes back to that moment when she first saw her. 

All those feelings she’s been suppressing comes crashing down on her and for the first time since Mina left, she breaks down, because after all this time what she really misses and longs to see are those same stupid penguin pyjamas and those same contellation of stars on her Mina's face.

Mina’s response is almost instant, even though she’s been roused up from her sleep, her instinct kicks in and she immediately blankets Nayeon in her embrace.

Nayeon’s face stayed nuzzled on Mina’s neck. “I hate you.” She repeats it again and again in between sobs, and it feels a bit more like Nayeon’s trying to convince herself. “ _I hate you. I hate you. I hate you_.” Each line becomes a little quieter than the other, slowly losing its conviction everytime Nayeon says it.

Mina continues to soothe Nayeon’s back, and she waits until Nayeon quiets down. “We both know that’s not true.”

Nayeons just shuts her eyes, indulges in Mina’s warmth, and whispers like she doesn’t want to admit it “No, I don’t hate you.”

\--

Mina takes her inside the apartment. Not a single second did Nayeon let go of Mina. The younger offered to get her some medicine and water for her hangover, but Nayeon insisted on just staying like this, cocooned in Mina’s arms.

"You won." Nayeon utters. Mina has both her arms securely enclosing the older girl. She plays with Nayeon’s hair, and it feels like everything’s gone back to normal. 

“Hmm?”

“The break-up. You won.” Nayeon tries to explain.

Mina creates a bit of space between them, just enough for her to see the older girl's face.

“I’m not trying to win the break-up.." There's hurt in Mina's eyes that Nayeon didn't fail to notice. 

"..I’m just trying to move on.”

Nayeon studies the younger girl’s face, unable to respond with what Mina just said. It didn’t take long for her to go back to burrowing her face in the crook of her ex’s neck. “But why does she have to be so pretty?” the older girl whines, and Mina just laughs at her childishness. Mina’s not dumb. She knows Nayeon’s talking about Sana. 

“We’re not.. She’s just.. Sana’s just a friend.” Mina confesses. There’s a small smile from her lips as she continues, “She’s actually out with Momo right now.”

The look on Nayeon’s face was of pure shock. She knew her mind’s not playing games with her when she saw Sana and Momo that night. She looks at Mina, and the younger girl just laughs at her.

"I thought.. why didn't you tell me?"

"You never asked. See how easier it is if we just.. talked?"

Silence took over the room, they both know what Mina just said carries more weight than she had intended. 

Mina looks at her straight in the eyes and tells Nayeon sincerely. "I'm still in love with you."

Those are the words that Nayeon had wanted to hear from Mina the whole time. She should've been the happiest person in the world right now, but seeing Mina like this, holding back her tears, trying her best to smile and look okay in front of Nayeon, she knows Mina's not happy. Her heart breaks slowly into pieces when she realizes, Mina loving her hurts. 

"I love you.. but I don't want to.. I can't be with you if you're not ready." 

The tears that Mina's trying to hide flow uncontrollably. Nayeon stays still, but her hand, seemingly having a mind of their own, reaches out to wipe the tears from the younger girl's face. Mina leans into her touch, closing her eyes to feel the warmth even more.

"I waited for you.." she whispers. ".. I know I'm the one who left, but I waited for you to come after me. Those few days before our flight, I waited for you to come to me, like how I always come running after you everytime we were not okay.." 

Mina can't stop sobbing quietly. She tries her best to tell Nayeon even with the smallest voice "..I thought you'd do the same for me." 

Not one moment does Nayeon's eyes leave Mina, she just continues to stare at her quietly.

"I know I shouldn't have asked you to move in with me when I know you're not ready. And I know I shouldn't have been selfish to want you all to myself."

Nayeon interrupts her. What she feared for coming true, and she doesn't want a second more to pass with Mina thinking that way. 

"I'm yours. _Only_ _yours_."

Mina looks at her, feeling so small.

"And how am I supposed to know that Nayeon?"

All the things that Mina said felt like a slap on Nayeon's face. She realizes that all this time, she's not the only one feeling insecure about their relationship.

"Everytime we fight, you leave me. How am I supposed to feel about it?" There's bitterness seeping out through Mina's words.

"I know you still have your _tendencies_ lying dormant inside you, and I accept that. I could’ve handled that Nayeon, but I need you to tell me things for us to work it out. I needed you to trust me too." Mina finished ranting and Nayeon just stayed mum the whole time. 

"I'm sorry I left you." Mina tells her. Her eyes are shining with tears threatening to fall again. She looks down, not wanting Nayeon to see her like this, and she immediately wipes away her tears. "I'm sorry I got tired."

Nayeon feels like choking, doesn't know what to do or say. Seeing Mina so broken like this, makes her feel a different kind of pain. 

But her sweet, always so kind Mina looks back up to her. Mina, who has always tried to be the strong one for the both of them, takes her hand. "I sincerely hope we'll be okay."

Nayeon nods, and it felt like the end. 

\--

Nayeon didn't stay the night. The younger girl offered, concerned that she had too much to drink. But Nayeon can't stand being in the same room as Mina, knowing that she has caused the girl too much pain. She feels suffocated, every breath she takes makes her feel sick. 

Mina and her broke up not because they don't love each other anymore. They ended because Mina got tired, not that Nayeon can even blame her, not when she didn't even have the courage to try for the both of them. 'How can I even move on from this?' 

The scene from earlier kept on replaying on and on again inside her brain. How can she be so foolish, and so conceited to not see that she's not the only one hurting? She can't erase the image of Mina feeling so small because she wasn't able to give her reassurance that she's enough. It's exhausting, thinking and feeling like she could’ve done better, but she knows it’s too late. 

She was about to close her eyes when a small voice suddenly rings in her ears and it snaps her awake _'I thought you'd do the same for me_.'

She felt like a cold bucket of water had been dumped right onto her. She felt a teenie, tiny hope burning inside her. 'How can I be so stupid?'

\--

Nayeon didn't sleep a wink that night. She gets out of bed as soon as the first ray of sunshine has seeped inside her cold apartment. She was about to get out the door when her phone suddenly rings. 

"Brunch later?" It was Jihyo, and she guesses Jeongyeon and Momo will probably be there too.

"Hi! Ahh, yes but I'll be arriving a bit late. Got something important to do. 'Something I should've done months ago'

"You sound.. excited." She can't even hide it from the other girl.

"I'll tell you later. Just wish me luck!"

Nayeon can't wait anymore, as she heads back again to her ex-girlfriend's apartment, determined to do the right thing, she hopes. 

\--

27 year old Nayeon fell in love and got her heart broken for the first time. It taught her what love really is. She learns that love isn't always about the sweet innocent touches, isn't always about those fluttering feelings you have when you get to hold the person you love, and it's not always about the fireworks that you feel everytime you kiss. She realizes that love is courage, to try, and be better for the person you love. Love is not perfect- far from it, really. It's a scary, stupid thing, but given a choice or not, you’ll always want to feel it.

27 year old Nayeon realizes that love is not always the good part. Oftentimes, it's ugly and messed up. She realizes that love is pain. That kind of pain that you're happy to feel over and over again if it means you get to keep your person.

\--

She knocks on the same door from last night, and it doesn't take long for the owner to open up. The sight of Mina in the morning is truly refreshing. However, she didn't fail to notice the other girl's puffy eyes. Nayeon controls herself not to reach out, not yet. 

"Hi?" Mina greets her, a bit confused as to why the older girl came back too early in the morning. 

"I just wanted to apologize for last night."

The both of them laugh, as they remember that one fateful morning when Nayeon went back to Mina and Joy's previously shared apartment, and the older girl had said the exact same thing. 

"I won't take too long." Nayeon continues as she hands Mina a small box.

Mina just stood there with a startled expression on her face. Nayeon realizes that what she just did might've looked like something that she didn’t intend to do, well not yet anyways. 

"Oh! I'm not proposing!" Nayeon mentally slaps herself. _'Stupid'_

She opens the box, and there lies a key. 

"Key to my apartment." She says with a smile. 

"Your work is closer to my place, and many of your favorite restaurants are around that area so I just figured you might need this. You know, if you want to rest or to just maybe hang around, it doesn't really matter, I just want you to have this." Nayeon knows she's rambling so she stops herself.

The other girl doesn't move, just looks at the key but doesn't take it from Nayeon's hand.

"I tried to find someone else too." Nayeon confesses, her voice coming out small as she continues to try and be brave, for Mina. "But I didn't.. I don't want anyone else.. you're perfect."

Mina almost cries, but she composes herself and listens to what Nayeon has to say.

"I'm sorry." She finally says. She realized last night that not a single time did she ever apologize to Mina.

"I'm sorry I took so long. Sorry it took the both of us getting hurt before realizing what I should've done all this time." 

Nayeon takes the key out of its box and just places it in her hands, layed wide open, just waiting for Mina to take it. 

"I'm not asking you to move in together with me. I'm not even asking you to get back together."

Nayeon knows her problem is not something that can be fixed overnight, and she knows it's not Mina's responsibility to fix her. They both needed time.

"But I don't want to learn how to unlove you. I don't want to move on."

She's running out of courage, but she knows she needs to try. Even with her head down low, she does her best to tell Mina.

"I hope you wouldn't, too."

Everything became silent. All Nayeon can hear is her own heart beating. Then, a silent sniffle came from Mina, as she took Nayeon's hand in hers with the key between it. Mina didn't let go, just gripped on it a little tighter, and pulled her a little closer. 

She looked up to see Mina crying again because of her. But this time it didn't hurt, because Mina's eyes are not sad, she's _hopeful_. She didn't really need to hear anything else, but Mina reassures her nonetheless.

"I won't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished! Yaaaay!
> 
> I really appreciate all of you reading this mess.
> 
> Tell me what you think! :)
> 
> See you in the next one. :)
> 
> Oh! And it would be nice if we become friends @/veinhirai :D


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